You’re not just anorexic you’re human
Having anorexia (or being anorexic depending how you choose to self-identify) has been described as a constant feeling of living for someone else. Indeed, being bombarded with thoughts of not meeting someone’s physical expectations or feeling the only sense of control is through controlling what you eat can feel like you are detached from yourself. It’s important though to remember the human-ness in your existence and that you too need to take care of YOU. So hug yourself. Love yourself. Take time out to be there for yourself.
YOU ARE NOT SELFISH, YOU ARE HUMAN.
Oh, does it feel good to be typing again! I was down for the count for nearly a week with the flu and a severe lung infection. Let me preface this by saying, I hate being sick! I always have and as far as I can tell, I always will. And yes, nobody really enjoys being sick, but being bedridden with a fever and cough that just don’t quit, causes me immense anxiety. I feel useless and unproductive and I am left with nothing but a cocktail of meds and my racing thoughts.
But a dear friend of mine who relentlessly checked in on me throughout the week to ensure I hadn’t gone completely postal, reminded me of this. I was not being unproductive, I was just being productive in other ways. No, I wasn’t at school or at work or training for my upcoming marathon, BUT I was healing my body, which if you ask me, is one of the most useful and trying tasks that someone can undertake. Especially for someone who spent years actively trying to avoid anything that even resembled body kindness. I thanked this friend and then began thinking of all the lessons I learned from those 6 days spent in bed and in the hospital.
So, any of you out there who can relate to this fear of being unproductive and out of commission, listen up!
- Your body is smarter than you will ever be! I don’t care if you are Einstein himself, you are still not as intelligent as your bod. Listen to it. Listen to the little aches and pains, the exhaustion and the congestion. Listen to those signals, they are data points and ultimately how our bodies communicate with us. If I had heard this 10 years ago, I’d like to think the trajectory of my eating disorder would have been completely different and possibly even avoided altogether. I thought I was smarter, that I could apply “logic” and distorted truths to physiology that has been around way longer than myself and my “logic.” I was wrong. So very wrong.
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